Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
