New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
