Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
