Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
