I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
