By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
