And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
