Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize