I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
