Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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