lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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