two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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