worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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