I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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