so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The adults are the big ones right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize