While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
