my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
