I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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