The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
