I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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