respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
