The maid of honor just puked.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
