I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
