dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize