Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
