girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize