i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
