were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
