i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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