Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
