When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize