I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
