Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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