did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
