I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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