so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
