who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
