I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
