you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
