it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
