u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize