Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
