My friends, they love my intelligence
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
