This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize