If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she looked like the before picture.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
