captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
