You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
