Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
