wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
