remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
