dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
