I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize