Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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