I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
