My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
