so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
