I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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