Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize