I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
