Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
