He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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