Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
