Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
