I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
