a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
