Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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