there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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