names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
