____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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