I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
nutella sex= disaster
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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