You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
