tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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