That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
