I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
