Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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