Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
