dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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