My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
