I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need moral support for this bender
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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