You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a beard to bite.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
