she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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