I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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