We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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