we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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