shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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