There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
