My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
