I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize