He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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