She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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