Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
