yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ttyl tear gas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
