like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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