It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
