He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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