you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
