You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
