dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
