jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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