I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
