Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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