He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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