Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I enjoy the company of your penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
