so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
