I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
