Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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