I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
